20 tips for your first time having sex

Do you feel like you’re ready for your first time, but are you not sure what to expect? Read this article! The first time is exciting for everyone. It may feel a little uncomfortable, but that’s completely normal. You have nothing to worry about, especially after reading these 20 tips!

Your first time

The first thing to remember is that you can’t do anything wrong during your first time. It’s a unique moment and you’re simply starting to explore! If the person you want to have your first time with gives you the impression that you’re doing things wrong or makes you feel uneasy, then it might not be the right person for your first time.

#1 Get to know yourself

Know what you like so that you can tell your partner what to do. Explore your body beforehand with masturbation. This is very important, because if you don’t know what you like or how you can make yourself feel good, it’ll be hard to explain it to your partner! Besides, masturbating is a very nice way to feel comfortable with your own body and sexuality.

Also read: Love Lessons #1: masturbation for beginners

#2 Don’t be insecure about your looks

What your face looks like when you have sex, whether your breasts are hanging when you’re on top, whether your penis is big enough, or what your butt looks like during doggy? Don’t worry about it! Please let go of this insecurity, because nobody pays attention to that during sex. Your breasts are beautiful, your butt is sexy, your penis feels amazing, and the expression on your face is really sexy. In the heat of the moment, your partner only sees the beautiful things about you. You’re sharing something so intimate and beautiful together, there’s really no place for negative thoughts or criticism.

“Your breasts are beautiful, your butt is sexy, your penis feels amazing, and the expression on your face is really sexy.”

#3 Time is not important

Don’t think there’s a “perfect” duration for sex. Certainly not for your first time. Perhaps you came very quickly the first time, but that’s okay! Or maybe you need a lot of time to relax and it takes a while before you’re ready for penetration. No problem at all! Take your time and enjoy.

#4 Make sure you’ve always got a condom at hand

Suppose you decide to have sex – you kiss, you touch each other, and now it’s time to do it… You’re so ready and can’t wait, but you forgot a condom! Speaking of a mood killer… Don’t assume that your partner has them: be prepared yourself.

#5 The orgasm is not the goal

Especially for your first time. Reaching an orgasm during sex with a partner or through penetration alone is not something that many women can do easily (or at all). Just enjoy the sex, and if you come, that’s just a bonus. The important thing is that you enjoy each other and that it feels good.

#6 Never fake an orgasm

To come back to the previous point. If you don’t feel like having an orgasm, please don’t pretend to have one! This won’t help anyone at all. Psychologist Nicole Tammelo says that you’d be creating unrealistic expectations. If you fake an orgasm after 3 minutes of penetration, your partner will think they’re doing something really well. It’s much better to “steer” your partner in the right direction if you feel that an orgasm can happen. If it’s not happening, tell them too: “Babe, it feels really great, but I don’t think I can come, and that’s okay.”

#7 Communication is key

Another thing about communication. Don’t moan because you think you have to. Moaning during sex is a perfect communication tool to let your partner know how much you like something or not. If you’re moaning the entire time, how will they know what you really like? If they touch your most sensitive spot, you’ll automatically moan harder, and if it feels a little less good,  you’ll make less noise. In this way, you communicate with your partner without saying that you don’t like it. Still, if you feel comfortable enough to say what you like and what you don’t like, good for you! And be sure to do that. But do it in a sweet way! Don’t criticise your partner; give them feedback.

“By moaning, you communicate with your partner without literally saying: I like this (or I don’t).”

#8 Dare to ask questions

Sex is different for everyone. What one person finds great, does nothing for another. You can never assume that you know everything about sex. Whether it’s your first time or the hundredth… Dare to ask questions. What do you like? Do you like oral sex? Hard sex? Soft sex? Do you like it when I slap your bottom or not at all? If you ask questions, you know what you should and shouldn’t do, and you’ll encourage your partner to ask these questions to you as well, so that you can tell him what you like.

“Sex is different for everyone. You can never assume that you know everything about sex.”

#9 Remember: sex should never hurt

For women, the first time you have sex can be a little sensitive. You’ve probably never had anything this big inside you before, so it can feel a bit strange. But it shouldn’t really be painful. If it feels really rough and if it burns, or if it feels like it really doesn’t fit, you probably just need some lube. Don’t be afraid it won’t fit, because the chances of that are very low. If you’re really tight and he’s very big, you just have to be extra careful and take your time. Use lots of lubricant and move slowly. Perhaps he can only penetrate you with the tip of his penis at first. Enjoy that. The more you get used to the feeling and relax, the easier it’ll be to go deeper.

Also read: The complete lube guide for better sex

#10 You don’t have to bleed

Many people think that losing their virginity is always accompanied by bleeding because of tears in the hymen. This is not true at all. Yes, it can happen that you will bleed during the first time you have sex when your hymen rips or stretches a little. However, this is not always the case. Over 50% of women do not experience this at all.

#11 Don’t compare your experience to that of others

Your first time having sex is yours. Don’t compare yourself with others. Perhaps you have friends who found their first time terrible, but that says nothing about what you will feel. Of course, it’s great to talk about it with your friends, and asking for tips can never hurt. But remember, nobody can predict what your first time will be like.

#12 It helps to tell them that it’s your first time (but you don’t have to)

How many people you have slept with (or not) is nobody’s business and you can keep it to yourself. But if your partner knows that it’s your first time, they can take this into account. If you’re a woman, your partner can be extra careful and if you’re a man, your partner can consider that you don’t know how to do everything, and they can guide you through it.

#13 Safe sex is nice sex

Worrying about an STD or unwanted pregnancy during sex? Definitely not sexy or arousing! Make sure your head is empty and you can fully focus on the good feeling. Sex with a condom ensures that you don’t have to worry about an STD or pregnancy.

#14 Consensual sex

It’s important to know that you can stop at any time. Just because you’ve started doesn’t mean you have to go all the way. If it doesn’t feel good, you can just stop. On the other hand, make it clear if you do want to continue doing it, so that your partner knows for sure that you want it and that it feels good!

“Just because you’ve started doesn’t mean you have to go all the way!”

#15 Breathe in, breathe out

Your first time can be exciting, but don’t hold your breath. If you start to feel tense, just focus on your breathing. This will calm you down and allows you to focus on the good sensations.

#16 Foreplay -> good sex!

Foreplay plays a big role if you want to have good sex. Firstly, it’s very difficult to get a flaccid penis into a dry vagina. Actually… it’s impossible. In order for him to get stiff and for her to become wet, foreplay is essential. A man usually gets an erection pretty quickly from kissing or the idea of sex, but with women, it can take a bit longer before she’s ready for penetration. Kissing, stroking, fingering, and/or eating out are perfect ways to put her at ease, to make her relax, and to make her moist. The vagina produces moisture naturally. Some do it more than others, so don’t be ashamed to use lubricant if you think it’s not moist enough.

“Getting a flaccid penis into a dry vagina is impossible.”

#17 Don’t think too much about your technique, but do think about your partner

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to jerk off, finger, or penetrate. What’s important is that you think about your partner and vice versa. If you both just focus on “doing it right”, you’ll forget about each other. The important thing is that you have sex to enjoy yourself and each other. Show that you care about your partner having fun too.

#18 Don’t be scared to give feedback

Has your partner been doing something you don’t like for a while now? Tell them gently. There’s a difference between immediately stating that something isn’t chill, or kindly saying: “I like what you just did a bit better” or “What you’re doing feels really good, but can you go a bit faster?”

#19 Lubricant

We just mentioned it already, but lubricant is your best friend for your first time. Some people see it as a failure if they have to use lubricant, because surely the woman should become wet enough on her own when she’s aroused! This is not true at all. Just like a man can have a great sex drive but not get a hard-on, a woman can have a sex drive, but not get wet enough. Besides, lubricant still feels good when the woman is moist. There are lubricants with nice flavours or with a stimulating effect.

“Just like a man can have a great sex drive but not get a hard-on, a woman can have a sex drive, but not get wet enough.”

#20 Manage your expectations

Romantic films have spoiled us a little, because the first time they show is always wonderful, romantic and delicious. But in real life, 9 times out of 10, this is not the case. Believe us. Your trousers will probably get stuck on your ankles, you’ll bump heads, you’ll accidentally elbow your partner, the penis won’t go in easily, the penis won’t get hard, or the vagina won’t get wet. So don’t assume that the first time will be perfect. Assume that it’ll be a fun, new, and exciting experience and that you’ll probably end up laughing at times because something isn’t going right. That’s what makes it fun! You’re discovering each other and this new experience at the same time.

Do you have any tips or questions about the first time?