Do’s and don’ts if your partner has cheated on you

For many people, cheating equals the end of the relationship. That’s understandable, but cheating doesn’t necessarily have to be the end. If separating seems like the only solution for you, you should do it. Still, there’s absolutely no shame in deciding to work on your relationship after adultery. In this article, we discuss ways to deal with a partner who has cheated.

Just know that you’ll never have the same relationship you did before the adultery. Make sure to think about whether you want to stop or continue the relationship. Additionally, of course, you should always listen to your own heart. Do you not agree with our tips and advice? Do what feels right for you, as long as you stay true to yourself.❤

“It doesn’t matter what you decide, as long as you stay true to yourself.”

Dealing with the news

But, first things first: you’ve just heard that your partner has cheated on you. For a moment, it simply feels like the world has stopped turning. Your suspicions turn out to be true, or perhaps you didn’t see it coming at all. Either way, it’s like a stab in the back, a slap in the face, and your confidence instantly crumbles. How could your partner ever do this to you?

Do’s

• Talk about it: No matter how much shame you feel, you have to talk about it. Preferably with several different people, and as often as possible until you realise that this is now your reality. Your partner has cheated on you.
• Cry: As much and as hard as you need to. In a situation like this, you should definitely not suppress your feelings.
• Ask for help. Does the whole situation distract you too much from your work? Tell your supervisor and ask for help. Do you forget to do things at home? Is it hard for you to be there for your family in the way you’d like to be? Ask for help, and don’t be ashamed to do so.

Don’ts

• Booze and drugs. It hurts, but you need to feel whatever needs to be felt! If you reach for anything that numbs your mind, you can’t process your pain. You’ll only postpone it.
• Begging for answers. Of course you want answers, but if your partner won’t give you any, it’s probably because the truth would only cause you more and unnecessary pain.
• Impulsive or vengeful actions.

And now?

There are two options: you either break up, or you move on together. We’ve got some tips for both situations.

You break up

It’s only natural that you want answers. Your partner owes it to you to tell you why they made this mistake. But we promise you, it’s only the ‘why’ question that you’ll want answers for. You want to know where it went wrong in your relationship. But the who? When? How often? Those will probably only cause you pain. Think carefully about what you really want to know. Don’t become a (social media) stalker. Try to distance yourself as much as possible. Don’t go looking for this other person and try to build up your own life. What happened is in the past, and nobody can change that. Don’t go looking for answers that you don’t want to hear.

“The who? When? How often? Those will probably only cause you pain.”

You stay together

You need to learn how to trust your partner again. And that’s very difficult. Still, it’s very important that you don’t turn into a control freak who always wants to know where your partner is, with whom and why. Want to sneak a peek at their phone? Don’t! If you start doing these things, it’s a small step to obsessive checking. And then the relationship won’t work, for either of you. The most important pillars of a good relationship are trust and respect. The trust has already been damaged by your partner, and the respect for each other’s boundaries and freedom is something you diminish in this way.

Have you had experience with a cheating partner? What are your best tips?