First threesome? Here are 6 essential tips!

Are you interested in a threesome, but don’t have any idea where to find the right person? Or are you just not sure how to make it an enjoyable experience? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with these questions! That’s why we’ve listed 6 essential tips to make your first threesome a dream come true.

1. Open communication

This one seems very logical, right? It is, but for many couples it’s challenging, especially when it comes to sex. Before you engage in a threesome, it’s important that you are able to talk about everything as openly as possible. This is the only way to find out about each other’s needs, desires, and possible concerns.

“It’s important that you can be honest about anything.”

Being transparent is crucial for everyone involved in a threesome. When you and your partner are looking for a suitable third candidate, they should be open and respectful. If not, before you know it, they’ll cross one or more boundaries and your adventure will be ruined. That’s why good communication is a priority. Before, during, and after the threesome!

2. What’s the ‘perfect match’?

With what kind of person would you like to have a threesome? The first step in finding a suitable person is knowing what you want. Grab a pen and paper together and make a list of everything you’re looking for in your future threesome partner.

Examples of requirements that you might want your threesome partner to meet:

• Attractive – someone we’re both sexually attracted to
• Loving and respectful
• Confident, open and honest
• Someone who respects our relationship

Write down all your preferences and compare your list with your partner’s. It’s not a lot of work and you immediately know what you value. This makes it a lot easier to find the right person for your threesome.

Also read: I’d like to have a threesome, how do I go about it?

3. What’s allowed and what isn’t?

Once you’ve found the right partner, it doesn’t mean that you can start planning your threesome date right away. Make sure you’ve made clear agreements beforehand about what you can and cannot do during your session. All three of you should have made your boundaries clear, both sexual and emotional ones. Once you’ve clearly established this, everyone will feel a lot safer.

Here are some examples of boundaries and agreements:

• I do not feel comfortable with anal stimulation. However, my vagina can be touched.
• I prefer not to have penetration the first time the three of us get together. I do feel comfortable with oral sex.
• My personal boundary is that you do not kiss each other unless I give permission during the threesome.
• If it doesn’t feel right for me, I want to be able to stop at any time. This request must be accepted by everyone.

4. Think outside the box

But where do you find the perfect person for your threesome? There are so many different ways to find someone – so it’s more a question of where to start. The first step is for both of you to know exactly what the person needs to be like (see step 2).

Once you’ve found a suitable person, it is important that both partners are involved in the first meeting. Perhaps one of you meets the person first, at a party or on social media. But when discussing the possibility of a threesome, both of you should be present. This way, you avoid anyone feeling left out and you can be sure that everything is communicated clearly and transparently.

“Make sure that both partners are involved in the first meeting, so that no one feels left out.”

Examples of places where you can find a suitable person:

• Tinder and other dating apps
• Parties
• The local gym or dance class
• Conscious communities, especially tantric groups or workshops
• Friends or friends of friends

5. Protection

Using a condom is essential in a threesome. Even when you exchange sex toys, a condom is necessary. An STI can easily be contracted. Another option is for the three of you to have an STI test beforehand, to rule out any risks.

Also read: 7 bad excuses for having sex without a condom

6. Just have fun!

You’ve found a partner and followed all the above tips. Now it’s time to surrender to the moment…even though you never quite know how it’ll go. Perhaps it’ll be disappointing and remain a one-off experiment, or it may just be your best experience ever! After all, if you don’t try, you won’t know. It’s all part of your own sexual journey!

Are you and your partner considering a threesome? Or have you already had an experience with a third person in the bedroom? Let us know in a comment below.