How do you survive annoying family questions at Christmas dinner?

Ah, Christmas dinner with family. A highlight of the year for some, absolute hell on earth for others. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, you’ve probably had a question or comment thrown at you by a ‘well-meaning’ family member that spontaneously ruins your appetite. To keep the peace, you give a socially acceptable response so that it doesn’t end in a terrible argument. Well, you’re certainly not alone!

Also read: Go from a boring Christmas dinner to an exciting one in 7 steps!

This does mean that there’s quite a gap between how you answer that incredibly rude question and what you actually think. And maintaining a polite façade takes a ton of energy. Comfort yourself with the thought that you’re certainly not the only one who goes through this struggle every year. And remember: if things get too intense, it’s obviously okay to remind that awful family member that you’re not willing to accept such insulting or personal questions.

Let’s take a look at the most common questions singles and couples have to endure during Christmas dinner with family (or in-laws), shall we?

Questions for single people

When are you going to bring someone over for Christmas dinner?

• What you think: With this family? Never.
• What you say: Maybe next year. Who knows!

Are you still single? But you’re such a lovely person!

• What you think: Yes, I know I’m nice. I don’t need your approval for that, thank you very much. And being single really doesn’t mean I’m not kind or pretty enough. Perhaps I don’t want a relationship at all, have you ever thought about that? No, that’s what I thought.
• What you say: That’s sweet of you.

Don’t worry, you’re sure to find someone

• What you think: Gee, thanks. I immediately feel a lot better. I’m cured! A burden has fallen off my shoulders. Oh, but wait… I didn’t have a burden on my shoulders at all. And in fact, I wasn’t worried at all. Should I be worried? What kind of sick reverse psychology is this?
• What you say: Yes, I know that someone will cross my path. And I’m having a great time on my own too, you know.

Everyone meets through the internet nowadays. Have you ever tried a dating app?

• What you think: First, that’s none of your business. Second, practically everyone on the planet has tried a dating app. Third, contrary to what you apparently think, potential partners really aren’t there for the taking, even on a dating app. I know, shocking news.
• What you say: Not yet. I’m going to give that a try.

Also read: Erotic story – ‘A very sexy Christmas’

You’ve put on some weight, haven’t you? You’ll never meet ‘the one’ that way!

• What you think: EXCUSE YOU?!
• What you say: If someone cannot see through that, they’re not the one for me.

Have you been promoted yet?

• What you think: I’d really like not to think about my work right now, but nice of you to bring that up during Christmas.
• What you say: Soon, I think.

Isn’t it time to grow up?

• What you think: So that I can live a joyless life like you that falls apart from misery due to dullness and routine? I’ll skip ahead, but thanks for the suggestion.
• What you say: Maybe next year, haha.

You’re so skinny. Are you eating enough?

• What you think: And you may want to eat a little less, but I don’t say anything about that either, right? Let’s just not body shame each other, shall we? Seems like a great idea.
• What you say: I just exercise a lot.

Questions for couples

When are you getting married?

• What you think: Why do you assume we want to get married at all? And even if we do, the status of our relationship is none of your business. By the way, do you have any idea how much it costs? A trip to Las Vegas is cheaper! I’d rather have Elvis at our wedding than anyone at this table. Note to self: Google how we can secretly get married in Las Vegas.
• What you say: We’re taking it slow and are happy with what we have at the moment.

What was the name of that man/woman you brought with you at Christmas last year? I really liked them.

• What you’re thinking: Are you seriously going to bring up my ex at Christmas? While my new lover is sitting next to me? Congratulations, you’ve officially ruined our Christmas.
• What you say: Oh, but [current partner’s name] is truly much sweeter.

When are you going to buy a house?

• What you think: In this economy? Hahaha. Never.
• What you say: We haven’t found our dream house yet, but we’re not giving up on it.

You’ve really let yourselves go since you got together, haven’t you? But oh well, that doesn’t matter. You can leave the dating life behind you now anyway.

• What you’re thinking: How much jail time could there be for throwing a family member out the window at Christmas? These must be mitigating circumstances, right?
• What you say: It’s odd, we’re actually not even that hungry today.

Who’s calling the shots in your relationship?

• What you think: Please keep those narrow-minded assumptions and prejudices to yourself and don’t bother us with them.
• What you say: Both.

Who earns the most?

• What you think: Our financial situation is really none of your business. Oh, and by the way, fun fact… we both earn at least twice as much as you do.
• What you say: Neither of us has anything to complain about.

Isn’t it time to start having children?

• What you’re thinking: Maybe we don’t want children at all. Maybe we have been trying to have children for a while, but are not succeeding (yet) and are struggling with that. Maybe we are not ready yet. Just don’t get involved.
• What you say: We’re trying.

Also read: The 6 best sex positions for under the Christmas tree 🎄

What’s the most annoying question you’ve ever been asked by a family member during Christmas?