How does a Friends With Benefits relationship work?

FWB – no, it’s not a porn category, it’s the abbreviation for Friends With Benefits. A term with which you’re probably familiar. FWB is perfect if want someone you can have sex with without either of you expecting more. At least, that’s what you hope. A Friend With Benefits is a little more than a booty call, but a lot less than a partner!

Friends With Benefits relationship

Having a friend with benefits is great, provided you stick to some agreements. There’s nothing worse than one of you having other expectations, or falling in love! We’ve gathered some rules to help you on your way with an FWB relationship.

Let’s imagine a situation of the perfect Friends With Benefits relationship:
It’s 12:30 a.m., you’ve just been binge watching your favourite TV show, and you’re suddenly feeling as horny as ever. You pick up your phone and text “Fancy a cuppa?” to your FWB. They’re at the door 15 minutes later. As always, you have great sex (because, of course, FWB with someone who’s not a good sex partner for you doesn’t make sense) and after finishing, you eat some good snacks and fall asleep together. The next morning when you wake up, your buddy is already dressed, gives you a cup of coffee and a kiss, and sprints out of the door while you hurriedly say goodbye.

“If it was only about sex, we’d call it SWB; Strangers With Benefits.”

Your Friends With Benefits relationship isn’t just about sex, although that aspect does account for at least 90%. You probably also share funny memes on the gram and go to the cinema, play sports or go for drinks together every now and then. The term isn’t Friends With Benefits for nothing. If it was only about sex, we’d call it SWB; Strangers With Benefits!

Still, in reality… Things can also go differently. For example, one of you may want to see the other much more often, or someone gets jealous when their FWB has a date. In order to have a good Friends With Benefits relationship, some rules need to be established.

#1 The casual vibe doesn’t mean you can disrespect each other

Rule number one; you gotta have fun. And to keep it fun, there has to be mutual respect. Yes, you’re not in a relationship, so no, you don’t have to answer to each other. But to keep it fun for as long as possible, it’s advisable to do so. Avoid meeting mostly when it suits only one of you, or ghosting your FWB for weeks, while they’ve been trying to get in touch, after which you randomly show up on their doorstep.

#2 Rules, rules, rules!

To prevent things from going wrong, rules are very important. You don’t have to draw up an official contract, but it’s a good idea to talk about the dos and don’ts of your relationship. If you agree that you can have sex with others, make rules about using a condom. If you do it safely with everyone else, you can have sex with each other without a condom. If there’s no one else and you have both been tested for STDs, then you can do it without as well, but if you plan to have unsafe sex with several people… Protect yourself! Be smart and always use a condom.

#3 Don’t use it as a way to make someone fall in love with you

It can happen that you actually want a relationship with someone, but they want nothing more than casual sex. In that case, it’s not a good idea to agree to a FWB relationship just because then you’ll at least have “something”. What’s worse than a broken heart? Look, sometimes, a Friends With Benefits relationship turns into a serious, permanent relationship. But most of the time, this is really not the case. If you go into this relationship thinking you can get the other person to fall in love with you, you’ll probably end up disappointed.

“What’s worse than a broken heart?”

#4 Still… don’t be surprised if one of you develops feelings

Entering a FWB relationship while secretly having feelings for the other person is not recommended. Still, if you develop feelings during your relationship, there’s nothing you can do about it. While you can’t do anything about how you feel, you can decide how you’re going to deal with those feelings. If you notice that you want more than just a friendship (with great sex), don’t be alarmed. Actually, there’s even a fairly big chance that one of you will develop stronger feelings. You’re both enjoying a friendship and physical attraction, so the difference between your relationship and a “real” one is actually very small.

“Actually, there’s even a fairly big chance that one of you will develop stronger feelings.”

#5 Be open and honest about feelings

Did you fall in love unexpectedly? Or have you noticed that the other person is developing feelings, and are you not feeling it at all? Talk about it as soon as possible. You don’t want to break your own heart, but breaking someone else’s is just as bad. Prevention is key!

What are your experiences with an FWB relationship?