How to get over a broken heart

Your partner has ended your relationship. It’s over… and the heartbreak literally makes you feel sick. You don’t feel like doing anything, you don’t want anyone around, and your self-esteem has taken a huge hit. How do you make sure that you’ll feel okay again? How do you deal with a broken heart, and how do you get over your ex so that you feel better and more like yourself?

What’s a ‘broken heart’?

Generally, when we talk about having a broken heart we actually mean experiencing heartbreak. Heartbreak can physically hurt and make you feel like you’re no longer complete. Many consider the loss of a relationship to be one of the worst kinds of pain. While there’s nothing physically wrong with us*, heartbreak does affect the brain. When we’re heartbroken, the same brain areas are active as when we experience physical pain. At the same time, a broken relationship, a loss of friendship, or unrequited love can have so much emotional impact that it can cause the same type of symptoms as depression or trauma (post-traumatic stress or PTSD).

* Medically speaking, there is also such a thing as a broken heart. This is when the bottom of the heart suddenly stops contracting properly, causing symptoms similar to a heart attack. The cause may be acute emotional stress, such as a broken relationship.

Symptoms of heartbreak

• Feeling down and sad
• Irritability
• Mood problems
• Sleeping problems
• Not feeling like doing anything (apathy)
• Fatigue
• Change in appetite
• Feelings of anger or resentment

Also read: Do’s and don’ts if your partner has cheated on you

What to do when your heart is broken

When you experience heartbreak, it feels like you’re covered in a dark cloud. Of course, you don’t want to feel this way. Sometimes the situation even feels hopeless, or you’re afraid that you won’t be able to live without the other person. How can you feel better and be yourself again? While a broken heart takes time to heal and you really have to go through the grieving process, there are certainly some things you can do to help deal with your heartbreak!

1. Going cold turkey

For some, this may be the most obvious way to get rid of your heartbreak. Act radically and cut off all ties with your ex. Don’t call each other anymore, don’t send messages, and make sure that their things aren’t in sight. Everything that reminds you of your ex only stirs up desire, which keeps you in pain.

Fact! Research shows that cold turkey is the best way to heal from your broken heart as quickly as possible.

2. Writing therapy

Simply cutting off contact will not make your grief magically disappear. Wounds need to heal, and during a grieving process, you’ll encounter all kinds of feelings: anger, fear, sadness, denial, but also relief and finally acceptance. Write about it, including the benefits of your break-up.

3. Stay active

Don’t get stuck in your grief by locking yourself up for days or staying in bed. Push yourself, go out, do fun things with your friends, and follow your daily routine as much as possible. In this way, despite the sadness, you can also experience nice things which, little by little, can make you feel good again.

4. Focus on your health

Appetite is one of the things that can be strongly affected by a broken heart. Some people tend to eat unhealthy comfort food, while others lose their appetite and have little desire to exercise. Still, it’s precisely now that a healthy lifestyle is important! What you eat not only affects your physical condition, it also affects your mind. Take it easy on the alcohol and caffeine and add healthy fats, fibre, and protein to your diet. Exercise also contributes to good mental health. There’s a reason that walking or running therapy are more and more popular these days.

Tip! In addition to sufficient exercise and a nutritious diet, a good night’s sleep is at least as important for your “recovery”.

5. Fake it ’til you make it

In psychology, there’s actually an intervention technique called “fake it ’til you make it”. The principle behind this is: behave like someone who feels good and worthy, even if you actually feel terrible and worthless. You’ll notice that in time, it’ll become easier and easier for you, until you actually start to feel good and worthy. Focus on a positive future. Say positive things to yourself every day until it feels credible to you.

6. Change works wonders!

A break-up is literally the closing of a chapter. You’re entering a new era without your ex, but undoubtedly with a lot of beautiful new things and people ahead of you. To leave the life with your ex behind, it can be good to change your surroundings, so that you’re not constantly reminded of the life you had with them. This doesn’t always have to be done consciously; you can also be confronted with your ex-partner subconsciously. For example, places where you often went, dishes you ate together, or shows you watched. You can manipulate your brain by not exposing it to these associations. Change up your interior, go home by a different route, or listen to different music.

Have you noticed that even after following these tips, your heartbreak is still a huge obstacle for you? Professional help can also help you. In some cases, trauma therapy like EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) seems to be very effective in neutralising the pain of a broken heart. Consult your doctor for advice and the possibilities of a referral to a psychologist.

Have you ever experienced heartbreak? How did you cope with a broken heart? Let us know in a comment below!