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I’d like to have a threesome, how do I go about it?

10 March 2022,

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The desire to have a threesome is one of the most common sexual fantasies. But turning a fantasy into reality can be quite the challenge. Of course, it means that your partner has to be open to it. After that, some things will have to be discussed together before you can actually enjoy a threesome.

Want a threesome? Talk about it!

Communication is one of the most important building blocks of a good, stable relationship. Being able to talk openly and honestly with each other about everything that concerns you as a couple – including sex! – connects and deepens your relationship. Talking about sex and your sexual desires and boundaries also contributes to a better sex life and more satisfaction.

“A good sex life mainly means that you take the time, attention, and space to keep exploring.”

A good sex life is not just about how exciting things are in the bedroom. It’s also about the fact that you can discuss your desires with each other at all times and that you take the time, attention, and space to keep exploring. Breathing life into each other keeps the excitement going. Experimenting with a threesome can give your sex life a great boost, or it can simply be a very thrilling experience.

1. Know your desires and your limits

For many people, having a sexual fantasy doesn’t immediately mean that they want to act on it. Sometimes a fantasy is sexy because it’s just a fantasy. If you’re very curious about how it will be in reality, it’s good to first think clearly about how you imagine it. Which person would you like to be there? What role do you see yourself taking in the threesome? And, no less important: what would you rather not have? Figure it out for yourself before revealing it to your partner.

2. Share your threesome fantasy with your partner

Discuss your relationship and sex life at a light-hearted moment. For example, during a nice evening on the sofa or during a walk. Ask your partner how they think things are going between you, including in the bedroom. In this way, you create space to hear more about your partner’s vision and you can then respond by discussing what you’d like. Always express it from your own experience, in a positive way.

3. Give your partner room to think about your fantasy

Of course, your partner can react to this in different ways. They may be open to it right away, which will allow you to flesh out the idea of a threesome. But perhaps your partner needs to let it sink in and wants some time to think about it. Give them the time and space, don’t rush into anything, and avoid pushing something that they’re not ready for. If your partner is really not open to it, that boundary must be respected.

“Give your partner time and space, don’t rush anything, and avoid pushing something your partner doesn’t want to do.”

Your first threesome? Here’s how to do it!

If your partner is open to your idea of a threesome, you’ll have to discuss more about the how, what, where, when, and with whom. Keep in mind your wishes and desires, but also your boundaries. For example, create a list together of what and who you want to be there. An extra man? Or an extra woman? Someone you know, or rather someone who’s not a part of your immediate circle?

“Communication is essential not only before the threesome, but also during it!”

Agree on what is allowed and what is not, especially in terms of sexual acts and types of stimulation. Penetration or not, just kissing or more, with or without toys, kinky sex or not. Also think about protection against STIs, for instance by using a condom. These are all things you should talk about to get a clear idea of what your ideal threesome would look like.

Additional tips for the perfect threesome

  • Experiment with exciting threesome positions
  • Indulge in some extensive foreplay together!
  • Enjoy yourself and don’t think too much about it: distracting thoughts get in the way of an exciting experience.

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Miriam

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