In love with your colleague? This is how you deal with it.

Unfortunately, we can’t choose who we fall in love with, which can sometimes be really awkward. For instance, when you fall in love with someone who is already spoken for, someone who has no interest in you, or someone who is a co-worker! The last one doesn’t have to be as bad as the other two but could lead to an awkward or difficult situation at work if things don’t go as you might have hoped. In this article, we tell you the best way to handle being in love with a colleague.

Work + colleagues = flirting

There is nothing weird about falling in love with a colleague. After all, the workplace is a great place for flirting. You both work for the same company, so you probably have a shared passion. A workplace is also a place where people tend to look their best. Nobody goes to work looking unkempt. After an intensive meeting, it is nice to make small talk with your colleagues or talk about your plans for the weekend. Before you know it, you’ve gotten to know your colleagues pretty well. Flirting at your workplace is almost as normal as getting a cup of coffee, so it’s not weird that you would end up developing feelings for a colleague.

Is it wrong to have feelings for a colleague?

Not necessarily. There are different situations that we’ll be discussing below. It could be very nice to have an exciting flirt with a co-worker, but if you two don’t see the situation in the same way, or if a relationship is impossible, things could take a turn for the worse.

#1 You’re in love with a colleague, but your colleague doesn’t know it

This is a tricky one. You’re probably thinking about that colleague a lot, which might keep you from getting your work done. In your head, you keep mulling over whether or not you should tell them. But what if you tell them and the feeling isn’t mutual? Then you’d better get ready for some very awkward moments… Many people will keep their work crush a secret because of this. In a situation like that, you need to take an honest look at what the pros and cons are. Is it worth it? Do you think your colleague is into you too and do you have any reason to believe that? If you don’t, you might need to take some more time to figure out the situation. It’s not a good idea to let a co-worker know that you have feelings for them out of the blue.

#2 You are in love with a colleague, but neither of you is single

This is not a situation you want to be in, but unfortunately, it happens a lot. You’re in a relationship, your co-worker is in a relationship, or you’re both in a relationship. Whichever it is: neither of you is single. You know your flirting can never be more than that, but it’s a tricky thing to do. After all, you can’t choose who you fall in love with and, when you develop those feelings for someone you see almost every day, it becomes challenging to suppress or ignore them. Whether you’re in a meeting together, park your cars simultaneously, or meet while getting coffee… every situation is tense, especially when you share those feelings.

“You know your flirting can never be more than that, but it’s difficult when you see each other so much.”

It probably started with some innocent flirting, but soon you didn’t just talk about work anymore and were texting each other more frequently. Maybe you even went for drinks after work together a few times. None of that is terrible, but if you end up developing strong feelings for each other but also want to stay with your partners, your workplace romance needs to stop before you cross the line.

The solution:

How do you stop being in love? Yes, it’s difficult and nearly impossible, especially if you have to see and talk to each other so much. Avoiding each other is not an option. You can choose to keep seeing each other but not give in to your desires, so basically, just be friends and let the tension remain. However, in that case, you’re just pretending, and you need to remain firm in your resolve. You’re only human. The other option is to keep your relationship strictly business and no longer talk about things that are not related to work. Try to create as much distance as you can. Don’t look each other up during your break, no matter how much you would like to. Stop texting and don’t send each other flirty messages on Teams. Does your colleague look good that day? Don’t compliment them out loud.

“If you end up developing strong feelings for each other but also want to stay with your partners, your workplace romance needs to stop.”

#3 You are in love with a colleague, but the feeling is not mutual

You and a co-worker are flirting with each other, you have a good connection, and you decide to tell them how you feel. Your colleague says the feelings are not mutual. Ouch, that hurts. You need to make sure things don’t get too awkward for you because it can become bothersome to even go to work if you don’t. Think about whether it’s wise to share your feelings with that colleague or not. If you lose sleep over it and really need to get it off your chest and think your colleague might feel the same way? Go for it. But keep the worst-case scenario in mind.

The solution:

Should you happen to end up in that worst-case scenario? Don’t avoid your colleague! Keep having the same conversations, and maybe, after a while, you can tell them you were confused and not in love with them but just really happy with the bond you two have.

#4 You are in love with your colleague, but you have different expectations

In the beginning, things were probably fun and exciting. A lot of flirting, and you will likely have met up a few times and maybe even have had sex, but then it turns out you have different expectations… You think things are fine the way they are; you keep your relationship a secret and meet up every now and then for sex or dinner and a movie. But your colleague wants more; a steady relationship and to be open and honest with everyone about it. If this means the end of your short-lived relationship, it could lead to an unpleasant work situation when you have to see each other every day, especially if you end up with a different partner.

The solution:

Look for a new job. No, that’s obviously a bit much, but it could feel like the only solution at the moment. A solution that might be a bit less drastic; communicating! Start a conversation about your expectations so you both know the score. That way, you can decide together whether to keep contact to a minimum or remain friends. Whatever it may be, it’s vital to be clear about what you expect from each other in that situation. If you do that, everything will work out!

#5 You are in love with your colleague, and you both want the same thing

JACKPOT. You have a great office-romance. Secret make-out sessions during your smoke break, winking at each other from behind your computers… Ah, it’s like you’re 16 again. As long as your work doesn’t suffer because of it, this can be a satisfying relationship! After the initial loving and romantic phase, things will become more serious. Keep in mind that other colleagues will be talking about you two, and there will always be people who have a negative opinion about the issue. Focus on yourself and your partner, and don’t let other people’s opinions get in your way. (However, do check your company’s policy regarding relationships in the workplace! Some companies can have some pretty strict rules about this kind of thing.)

You’re in love with a co-worker, what do you do?

After reading these 5 scenarios, you can probably figure out what to do for yourself. What are the risks, and what is the reward? You’re the only one who can decide if it’s worth it when it comes to your specific situation. Love works in mysterious ways… if you really are in love, you have to act on it. But first, think seriously about what you’re feeling: Is it love? Lust? Boredom? Excitement? You don’t want to put your feelings or your colleague’s feelings on the line without good reason.

Have you ever been in love with a colleague?