“Is it weird to fantasise about others while having sex?”

“When I’m having sex with my wife, I sometimes think about other women. Is this normal? It worries me because it feels like I’m cheating on her, which I don’t want to do. What can I do to stop doing this? It makes me feel pretty bad.”

Don’t worry too much about the fact that you sometimes think about other women during sex. It’s not wrong – it’s actually quite normal – if you do it once in a while. Many people do it, so you’re certainly not the only one!

Why we sometimes think of someone else during sex

Thinking of someone else during sex: it can happen to anyone. And you can really be thinking about anyone! Someone you know personally, a celebrity, or a stranger you noticed in the street, in the pub, at the gym, or on TV.

“Thinking of someone else during sex: it can happen to anyone.”

So why do you fantasise about someone else? Well, it’s simply because our fantasies don’t have to be about one person. It doesn’t say anything about the love you feel for your regular partner. In fact, the bond with your partner can be so strong that you sometimes need space in your mind to think freely about others, without any ulterior motives.

What are fantasies anyway?

In addition, fantasies are sometimes meant to be kept as fantasies. It’s an image, a film or a picture in your head that’s somehow a turn-on for you. Having a fantasy doesn’t mean that you’d like it to become reality. In fact, sometimes people lose the exciting feeling once they’ve turned their fantasy into reality. In other words, let a fantasy remain just a fantasy, there’s nothing to feel guilty about.

More excitement in your sex life

So don’t think that you’re cheating on your partner. However, it may be useful for you to find out the nature of your fantasies. Does it always happen during sex? Are your fantasies always about the same person?

It may be that sex with your wife is no longer exciting enough for you. Subconsciously, you’re looking for more arousal through your fantasies. If that’s the case, you can suggest to your wife that she try some other things. Think of a new position or a different location.

Also read: This is how you keep the flame alive

Subconscious issues

But if this isn’t the case for you, something else may be going on. For example, there may be an unconscious intention to cheat from either side. This can affect the attraction between you. The fantasies could also be a way of keeping intimacy with her at bay, precisely because of the negative tension between you and your partner. If this is the case, talk to your wife to see how you can find each other again both relationally and sexually.

Also read: Want to improve your relationship? Learn more about the five love languages