Why do we find unattainable people so attractive?

You’ve probably felt it before: that huge crush you can have on people who are completely unattainable. That actor from the States, your boss who’s happily married, your dream woman who’s only into women and you’re a guy… It almost seems as if we find unattainable people more attractive than those we can actually “get”. But why?

In love with the unattainable

Unattainable people are extra attractive for many reasons, and we’ll discuss them in this article. It’s nice to know that you’re not the only one with a strong preference for people you can’t have. We all have it, it’s in our system. You can’t do anything about it, so you just have to accept it!

#1 Can’t have something? You’ll only want it more

If can’t have something, you’ll only want it more. That’s just how it works. Just think back to when you were younger. If someone told you to sit up straight at the table or not to jump on the sofa, did you do what was asked of you, or did you do what wasn’t allowed? As soon as someone says that something can’t be done, we think: Oh, really? Well, you know what? Then I just want it even more now!

“Oh, I can’t have that? Well, you know what? Then I just want it even more now!”

Someone unattainable activates that voice in your head that says: you need to have it! There must’ve also been times when you had a colleague or an acquaintance that you liked, but that you really weren’t in love with. Until they got into a relationship and you suddenly thought…. wait a minute, I think I like you! Still, the truth is: no, you don’t really like that person. You just wanted what you couldn’t have.

#2 Impossible = safe

Fantasising about a great romantic relationship with an unattainable person is, in a way, a very safe way to love. If the relationship can never really happen, it can never break your heart. It’s just about fantasizing, imagining the perfect situation in your mind, and shaping your ideal relationship.

“You feel an attraction that you don’t feel with the one person who’s been asking you out for the past 3 weeks.”

When you look at photos of your celebrity crush, you feel a warm glow inside, perhaps even infatuation or arousal. You become happy and joyful, and you feel an attraction that you don’t feel with the one person who’s been asking you out for the past 3 weeks. And it’s not just because that unattainable person is so incredibly handsome. The feeling of love for someone who’s unattainable is so strong because there’s no danger. You can surrender yourself completely without fear of a broken heart. It is, in fact, a way of protecting yourself.

How often have you fallen in love with an unattainable person?