An introduction to BDSM

BDSM, you’ve probably heard that term before. Since the appearance of the Fifty Shades of Grey novel series and the films of the same name, BDSM is no longer as taboo as it used to be, and we think that’s great news! Perhaps you’ve secretly become a bit curious about this yourself, in which case, it would help to know what it actually involves. High time for an introduction to bondage and BDSM!

What does the term BDSM stand for?

To start with, let’s explain what the term actually means. BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (BD), dominance and submission (DS) and sadomasochism (SM). Some of these terms might mean something to you, while others may require a bit more explanation. Generally, the term BDSM is used for everything that has to do with sexual pleasure derived from restraining, hurting, tying up, punishing, or forcing someone to do submissive acts.

Some people do all of this, while others limit themselves to the occasional bondage session. Anything goes, as long as both partners agree with the rules of the game. And, if more than two partners are involved, that’s completely fine as well!

Many people practice BDSM at home, but BDSM events, munches, play parties and fetish parties are becoming more and more common. Although these kinky parties often focus on the visual aspects of BDSM and are less focused on doing the actual acts, they can be a good source of inspiration.

Bondage and discipline: what is it exactly?

Bondage in general

Bondage mostly involves limiting the freedom of movement of your partner. This can be done with a handcuffs, but bondage ropes are also often used. For beginners, a set of handcuffs is often enough, but ropes are better suited to more experienced couples.

Bondage ropes and blindfolds

With ropes, you can restrain your partner even more because you can tie bondage ropes as tightly as you’d like. You’re more flexible in determining the position and type of restraint and you can even suspend your partner in mid-air! Besides restraining someone, limiting someone’s vision is a common part of bondage. This can be done with a blindfold or an eye mask, but bondage masks are also commonly used.

Also read: Bondage techniques for the bedroom explained

Discipline in general

Discipline is, in short, the setting of rules and applying of punishment when those rules are broken. Sometimes the punishment is quite innocent such as a simple restraint, but it can also be a lash of the whip or another invented punishment.

Sexual pleasure through humiliation

Some people think it’s a turn-on to wear a collar or to be ordered to do humiliating tasks. This all falls under bondage and discipline. You are completely free to make up the rules of the game, as long as both you and your partner agree to them and feel comfortable about them.

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Dominance and submission: what is it exactly?

Dominance and submission are terms frequently used in the BDSM world. These terms say something about the division of roles in BDSM games. Dominance is about the leading role; the dominant, or the ‘dom’ is the boss during the sex game. They also carry out the punishment when needed.

Submission is another word for obedience. Someone with a submissive role is often called the ‘sub’ in BDSM. A sub is the person who is tied up, carries out assignments, or undergoes punishment. This can be a sexual act, but it doesn’t have to be.

Some people see BDSM as a way of life and stay in character 24/7. If you think that’s taking things a bit too far, you can also stick to a shorter role-playing session. And if you’re not always into being dom or sub, that’s completely fine. In that case, you’re a switch; you can be dominant during one session and submissive the next.

Sadomasochism: what is it exactly?

Sadomasochism is a combination of two words – sadism and masochism – and involves getting pleasure through experiencing or giving pain. Sadism means experiencing pleasure by hurting others, while masochism means someone gets sexually excited when pain is inflicted on them. This aspect of BDSM is the most extreme form for many people.

People who participate in SM often participate in bondage and discipline and often make use of dominant and submissive roles as well. But much more often it’s the other way around. SM can make your sexual experience far more intense through the production of endorphins in the body. There are many ways you can get involved with SM. The most obvious way is to hit or be hit with a whip or a paddle, but there are plenty of other options out there.

It can also be very ‘stimulating’ to experiment with body clamps, such as nipple clamps and toys for stretching out body parts, such as a butt plug. You can also participate in SM with toys that provide electrical shocks or by dripping hot candle wax on the skin. This so-called wax play is not done with real candles, but with special SM candles that don’t leave burns on the skin.

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Have you gotten a better idea of what BDSM is all about? If you have any questions, let us know in the comments below!