First time anal sex: tips for beginners


Anal sex is one of the most exciting and enjoyable forms of sex. But if you’ve never done it before, it can also be a bit frightening to get started. When some people think about anal sex, only one thought comes to mind: pain! However, it doesn’t have to be painful at all. Our tips: a lot of patience, confidence, and plenty of lubricant can make having anal sex for the first time an unforgettable experience.

1. Talk about it

The most important aspect of anal sex is communication. A newly discovered sexual area can be incredibly exciting, but it can also be very scary if you don’t talk about it openly. Talk to each other about whether you’re open to it, and what your wishes, desires, and feelings are about anal sex. Your partner should know that you may be a little nervous, scared, or excited. Don’t force your desire on your partner, but allow time for both of you to get used to the idea. We also recommend not agreeing on a time when you’re going to do it, as this can create a lot of negative tension and pressure. Let it happen when it happens!

“Before you start anal sex, talking about it is very important!”

Read about it together

A sexy way to discover anal sex is to read a book about it. A nice book on the subject is  ‘Anal Sex Tips for Guys and Girls’ by Angelicka Wallows, in which the author describes her own experiences with anal sex. It also gives you a lot of tips to practice anal sex in a safe way that brings pleasure to both of you.

2. Start slow

Always keep in mind that you need to be relaxed with anal sex. Going straight for your goal can have painful consequences. Give it as much time as it takes. It might be an hour, but it can also take days, weeks or even months before you can go all the way. Start by playing with the anus. This can be done in different ways.

Always use lubricant

With any form of anal stimulation, it is essential that you use lubricant. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce a natural lubricant to make penetration comfortable and easy. This is why lubricant is indispensable with anal sex. One with a thicker consistency is best for anal use; there are also special anal lubricants. The use of a calming spray for the anus, like Anal Anos Spray, is also recommended if you are anxious about pain.

Massaging the anus

  1. Apply some saliva or lubricant to your finger and/or the anus and start massaging gently. Make sure your nails are well trimmed and can’t cause any harm.
  2. Massaging can be done by making small circles with your finger.  You can also ‘reassure’ the anus by satisfying the sphincter muscle with your tongue. This is also known as rimming.
  3. As you massage, you’ll notice that the anus contracts when you touch it. This is a normal, natural reaction of the body. The longer you massage, the more the sphincter muscle relaxes.
  4. When you’ve been at it long enough, you can try to slowly insert your finger. Pay close attention to your partner’s body language. Cringing often means pain.
“Lubricant is absolutely essential to make anal sex as easy and pleasant as possible.”

3. Toys for anal foreplay

If you don’t like using your fingers or if you’re afraid that you’ll damage your partner with your finger(nail), you can also use an anal toy such as a slender anal dildo. Using a vibrator is also very pleasant, as the vibrations of the toy can relax the sphincter muscle. Finally, you can also use a butt plug.

What we recommend

Make sure that you always use a sex toy that is specially made for the anus. These toys have a wide base so that the toy can’t slip all the way inside. There have certainly been cases in which people have had to go to the hospital with an object that went too far in, or got stuck. Of course, you absolutely don’t want to find yourself or your partner in this situation!

Before even considering inserting anything into the anus of your lover, you unquestionably have to make sure that the toy is slender. Don’t forget to use a lot of lubricant with any kind of toy. It’s best to go for an anal toy with a soft outside (like silicone) and a hard inside. These are more comfortable than sex toys with a hard exterior, and they’re easier to insert than flexible toys.

Important! Silicone sex toys do not respond well to silicone-based lubricant.

Anal vibrator

An anal vibrator is a vibrating toy that is specially designed for anal insertion. We recommend the Real Deal anal vibrator by You2Toys. This vibrator has a slightly pointed head and is only 2.5 centimetres in diameter, which will make it relatively easy to insert. Hold the vibrator against the anus for a while so that the sphincter muscle can get used to the vibrations. Then, insert the device slowly.

Anal dildo

If vibrations are too much for you, you can also use an anal dildo. The Beaded Cone anal dildo from the EasyToys Online Only collection is very suitable. The toy has a series of beads that increase in size, smoothly flowing from one to the next. This allows you to stretch the anus little by little. Decide for yourself how far you can go and see what works best for your partner. You don’t have to put it all the way in, you can also go halfway. The base is wide enough that it can’t accidentally go all the way inside.

Anal douche

An anal douche is a practical tool for cleaning your anus before having anal sex or using an anal toy. All you have to do is fill the douche with lukewarm water, insert the nozzle anally and squeeze the bulb until it’s empty. Remove the nozzle, keep the water inside your body as best you can and then sit on the toilet to release it all. That’s it! Now you can enjoy your anal experience without any worry.

Prostate stimulator

The prostate is a very sensitive spot and stimulating it can lead to intense orgasms. It’s not always easy to reach with your fingers however, but luckily there are prostate stimulators to help you with this. There are various types of prostate stimulators, including vibrators, butt plugs and vibrating eggs. Some also feature additional stimulation options such as perineum stimulators and rotating beads for rimming.


4. And then, on to the real thing – doing anal for the first time

Extensive anal foreplay will make the final act much smoother and more comfortable. Regardless of the amount of lubricant you used during foreplay, you’ll need to apply it again generously for the actual penetration. It doesn’t matter if your penis or a strap-on dildo is being used, always make sure that both the dildo or penis and your partner’s anus are coated with enough lubricant.

Going for it

The key to a great first experience with anal sex is to start slowly. The anus isn’t actually made for penetration, so you have to go in bit by bit and keep reassuring each other. If you are the one penetrating, let your partner tell you how deep you can go and how hard you can thrust, and stop immediately if one of you feels uncomfortable. You can always pick it up again later. It’s not a problem at all if one of you wants to stop after just a few minutes. Just try again another time.

Remember hygiene

Never go from the anus to the vagina or from the anus to the mouth without washing the penis first. (Stool) bacteria spread easily and can make you sick or cause a bladder infection. Also keep in mind that ‘poo accidents’ can occur. This is normal and is nothing to be ashamed of.

Tip! Also stimulate other body parts during anal sex. This can help create more relaxation and excitement. For example, you can stimulate the clitoris or penis by hand or with a clitoris vibrator or mini vibrator.

Do you have any questions about doing anal sex for the first time, or would you like to share your experiences with us? Post a comment below!

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1 comment

September 9, 2023 8:35 am

I have never used sex toys but i want to try them with my boyfriend who also want to use them. I have a problem to get my orgam,it take long and i am also dry i take long to get wet. I need toys like vibrators that my boyfriend can use on me to help me reach my orgasm. I want to try anal sex too. Can you suggest toys that i can buy to improve my sex life.


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