Red Flag Alert! 19 signs your date isn’t right for you

First dates: some people love them, and others hate them. But no matter how many first dates you have been on in your life, sometimes it’s still difficult to see the red flags. So, for everyone in need of a reminder, here are 20 signs that your date isn’t right for you. Red flag alert!

Thank you, next

Oh, you’re talking with your mouth full of Dame Blanche? You ask me to come over and chill in the middle of the night? You don’t say thank you to the waiter? Thank you, next. These three things are all quite obvious. But how about the not-so-obvious signs that we’re all likely to miss? Things like receiving a friendship request on Facebook directly after a date or meeting up at a bar where all of your date’s colleagues are hanging out as well. Here are 19 signs that you better try to avoid according to date-, relationship- and sex experts. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and it’s best to take these guidelines with a grain of salt 😉

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#1 Insisting on ordering your food and drinks

This is most definitely a red flag! Even when you say you can order for yourself, or when you think it’s endearing, cute or maybe even romantic. In reality, this can be a clear sign of a controlling person.

#2 No opinion

Of course, it’s delightful when someone is easy-going, but not having an opinion and choosing not to share your opinion are two completely different things. When your date insists that you decide on everything about your first date, chances are they have low self-confidence.

#3 Your date is looking to their right a bit too much

Ok, if Doutzen Kroes or Ryan Gosling is sitting to the right of them during your date, it’s only logical, but in any other case: RED FLAG. Some research has shown that when a person looks to their right, it often means a memory is being created instead of recalled. This could mean your date is not telling the truth.

#4 Their words don’t match their actions

It’s a huuuuuuge red flag when someone’s words don’t match their actions. For instance: your date tells you that caring about the environment is an important part in their life and that they try to live as sustainably as possible, but in the meantime, they are drinking their cola through a plastic straw.

#5 Talking negatively about an ex

Talking about your ex is never really a good topic during a date, but when someone is overly critical about an ex and the ex in question has also been given a derogatory nickname by your date, RUN! Besides the fact that you don’t want your date to end up talking about you like that one day, there is also a good chance you’re sitting at a table with a narcissist.

“When someone is overly critical about an ex and has also given them a derogatory nickname, RUN!”

#6 Talking negatively about anyone

Not only is talking negatively about an ex a Red Flag, talking bad or laughing at your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues et cetera, can all be signs of a narcissist or a very insecure person that thinks they can come across better by bashing others.

#7 Criticising the food

Have you decided to meet up somewhere to grab a bite to eat for your first date, but does your date then end up criticising the food? In that case, we don’t recommend ordering any desserts. When your date presents themselves as an easy-going type of person but then criticises everything that can be criticised, this could mean they have a controlling and condescending personality.

#8 It seems too good to be true

Yeah, you might want to take off your rose-coloured glasses; when something is too good to be true, it probably isn’t true. Sorry, not sorry. It might seem very romantic, but you’d better sound the alarm when they start giving you too many or way too expensive gifts, excessive compliments and or start getting attached way too fast. There is even a term for this type of behaviour: Love Bombing. When someone bombards you with love even though there is no foundation for a solid relationship yet, this could also be a sign that someone is desperately looking for love or is trying to give you a false sense of security?

“Sound the alarm when your date starts giving you too many gifts, excessive compliments and starts getting attached way too fast.”

#9 Nag, nag, nag…

Feeling comfortable and saying what’s on your mind to your date is one thing, but when your date does nothing but complain, this could point to a type of personal issue and negativity. You might look the other way during your first date (maybe it’s the nerves), but if the nagging continues, it’s time to put an end to your dating adventure.

#10 Showing up late without a good reason

No, we’re not talking about running two or five minutes late, but if your date hasn’t shown up after five minutes, and hasn’t given you a good reason why, this should give you something to think about. There will be times when traffic is bad or an emergency has occurred, but when they haven’t given you any specific reason for being late, you should wonder whether your date is really even interested. If your date doesn’t give you a little heads up when they’re running late, you’re likely just wasting your time.

#11 Has too much in common with you

Does your date keep on bringing up topics that make you say ‘ME TOO!’? Or are you the one talking, and your date is the one saying those words? Whether you’re convinced they’re your soulmate or not; when your date also prefers wearing red sneakers, goes out for lunch every Tuesday, has the same favourite band, etc… there is a chance you’re dealing with a social media stalker. If they’ve been stalking you on social media, it could mean they are trying to gain your affection by pretending to have a lot in common with you. If someone is trying to enter into a faked connection like that, it could be a sign that they are an overly controlling person.

“If they’ve been stalking you on social media, this could mean they are trying to gain your affection by pretending to have a lot in common with you.”

#12 Gets comfortable a little too fast

It’s good when your date feels like they can be themselves around you, but there are limits. Does your date suddenly burp around you? Or do they say they are going for a number two without any embarrassment? Getting comfortable talking about bodily functions a little too fast could mean you’re dealing with a person who doesn’t care much about personal hygiene.

#13 A date with their cell phone

Is your date constantly looking at their cell phone? Aside from it being very rude, it’s also a sign of disinterest. Going a couple of hours without your phone isn’t that difficult, right?

#14 Tries to get a selfie of the two of you on the first date

Confidence and kindness are attractive, but when your date acts a bit too familiar with your roommate who happened to open the door, wants to make conversation with your mom, who just so happens to walk past the terrace or asks for a selfie at the end of the date… Nah, not very chill. Too bad, but your date isn’t able to understand social norms and boundaries.

#15 Brings up trauma from the past

The first date should be casual and chill. However, getting to know each other in a fun way is not in the cards if someone starts talking about traumatic events from their past. If your date begins a conversation about bad things they went through as a child, chances are this still plays a significant role in their lives. The inability to let things from your past go and process them can be a sign of having problems leading an adult life.

#16 Calls you sweetheart or baby a bit too soon

It might feel nice when your date starts calling you sweetheart or gorgeous after only fifteen minutes. But if they are so quick to do this, they likely do the same on other dates.

#17 Orders water

If your date orders a glass of water, it could mean they don’t intend to stay for long. Unfortunately, they don’t want to give you a shot and are trying to get out as fast as possible, so fast they don’t even have to pay for their drink.

#18 Can’t stop talking about themselves

You ask a question to kick the date off, and your date just rattles on and on and on until you’ve listened to their entire life story. They don’t ask about your experience, and when they’re listening, they are not interested. Sorry, but unfortunately, your date is probably only interested in one thing, themselves.

#19 Cancels plans with friends to go on a date with you

Is your date cancelling plans with friends to go on a date with you? Then chances are they expect you to do the same. They want you to stop doing things you like and only make time to hang out with them. Yes, you want to date someone who likes you and makes you a priority, but you shouldn’t be expected to put everything else aside for someone after only one date.

What do you think is a real Red Flag during a first date?