Dating 101: The best tips for a perfect date
Dating – some people love it, while others break out in a cold sweat and blush at the mere idea. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, chances are you’ll have a date planned soon! So, how do you become a true dating professional? In this article, we explain how you can date like a pro.
Dating: what you need to know
Some people love dating and don’t need any tips, but for others, every date is another terrifying, awful experience doomed to fail. An arduous task with sweaty pits, a dry mouth, blushing cheeks, and a heart rate through the roof! For all those who belong to the latter group, we’ve created a complete dating guide. Read on!
We’ll tell you what to do and what not to do. You’ll also find topics for conversation in case there’s an awkward silence and you both start looking at the door plotting your escape. This is the kind of scenario you want to avoid, with our tips, you’ll be just fine!
“Sweaty pits, a dry mouth, blushing cheeks, and a heart rate through the roof!”
What to do
👌 Show interest
And we don’t mean asking about hobbies, work, and favourite meals. Dig a little deeper. Don’t settle for a short answer, keep asking. If your date talks about their job and how great it is, ask why they feel that way. Your date might then tell you that they used to dream about this or that they worked very hard to achieve their goals. Because you’ve asked more questions, you’ve gotten to know your date better and made them feel that you’re genuinely interested.
In addition, don’t move on to another topic too quickly. Not even if your date says, “Alright, but that’s enough about me!” That’s exactly when you’ll want to continue asking questions, showing that you’re patient, want to get to know them, and that your time to talk will come.
👌 Share embarrassing stories you can laugh about now
That one time you drunkenly lost your keys and had to get into your apartment by way of your neighbour’s balcony and through what you thought was your bathroom window, only to find out you were in the wrong bathroom. Or that one summer day when you walked around the city for hours and the found out once you got home that your skirt was caught in your underwear and the whole city saw your bottom. Stories that were embarrassing at the time, but that you can laugh a lot about now do well on dates. It shows that you have a sense of humour and can laugh at yourself. Your date may also share such stories, and you’ll laugh about them all evening. And laughing on a first date often makes you want to see each other again!
👌 Be gallant
For gentlemen: women love courtesy. Pulling out her chair may seem cheesy, but what do you want to bet that she’ll appreciate it? Just like compliments on her looks, as well as her perfume. We love to hear we smell nice! But be a little creative with your compliments and show that you really took in how she’s looking (but not in a creepy way, of course). A compliment about a good looking haircut, nice nails, or a beautiful voice show that you really pay attention. Your date will feel incredible when you tell her that her voice is nice to listen to.
Just make sure your compliments are sincere! An insincere compliment actually has a negative effect. It’s also best to avoid giving a compliment immediately after you receive one. It’ll seem a bit forced.
👌 Whatever you do: be yourself!
Being yourself is perhaps the most important point of all. You can pretend to be different on a date, but what good will that do? In the end, you’re looking for someone to fall in love with you because of who you are. And you want to be yourself with your (future) partner, don’t you? So please don’t act like you love wine just because your date orders wine. Don’t say you go to the gym three times a week when you’re looking at your date’s biceps, and don’t lie about having a driving licence because your date likes to watch Formula 1. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, which can lead to very uncomfortable situations…
“You can pretend to be different on a date, but what good will that do?”
👌 Make it easier by doing something fun
Do you get uncomfortable easily or find it hard to keep a conversation going? Or do you often need some time to warm up and really be yourself? Do something active on your date. For example, enjoy a sport together, go bowling, take a cooking class, or go mountain biking. This way, you’ll have something to do and to talk about. You can get used to each other’s company first and have time to get your nerves under control. The deeper conversations will come later, when you feel more comfortable.
👌 Guarding and accepting boundaries
Never let anyone overstep your boundaries. Especially not on a first date. You might find it especially daunting to state your boundaries with someone you’ve just met, but this is the perfect time to do so. This way, the other person will immediately learn how far they can go. If you allow your date to talk in a misogynistic way, share their sexual preferences, or touch you a lot when you’re not (yet) comfortable with this, they’ll do the same next time. Be clear right away, so your date will know how you feel.
Conversely, also pay attention to your date’s signals so you’re not crossing their boundaries either.
What not to do
👎 Don’t talk about yourself too much
When you have a date, what do you like to do? Yep, talk about yourself! And the same goes for the person sitting opposite you. However you look at it; everyone likes to talk about themselves, some to a greater extent than others. But make sure you don’t do it too much. Of course you can talk about the things that make you happy, and if you go on a bit, that’s not a bad thing either. But if you’ve been talking non-stop for 30 minutes, it might be time to ask them a question.
It’s nice to show that you’re passionate about something, after an enthusiastic monologue, you can say: “Oops! I love this so much that I could really talk about it for hours. But I’m also very curious about you!”
👎 Don’t be too negative about too many things
Negative people are less attractive. It’s no fun to talk about negative topics and get all worked up during a date, is it? Avoid conversations that involve topics that don’t make either of you happy. For example, avoid talking about COVID, your terrible job, political dramas, your ex’s mistakes, or the many wars going on at the moment. On a first date, you want to keep it fun, and you certainly don’t want to come across as someone who can whine about anything.
Conversation topics
Are you one of those people who like to think of conversation topics in advance so you can avoid awkward silences? Then this list is perfect for you. By the way, don’t be embarrassed about this. Not everyone is an easy talker, and awkward silences are… well, awkward. So there’s nothing wrong with being extra prepared. Are you really at a loss for what to talk about? Try the topics below.
- Family or friends
- Clothing styles
- Dream jobs
- Funny facts: it’s great fun to surprise your date with fun facts. For example, how many legs a centipede has, or the function of a zebra’s stripes!
- Favourite TV series/movies
- Favourite book
- Proudest moment
- Sports
- Travel: if you both love travelling, this is a topic you should bring up! Give each other tips on places you should really visit.
- Pets: just be careful not to sound like a crazy cat lady and show seven million pictures of your cat.
- A relevant news topic
Tip: Do try to bring these topics into the conversation subtly. You don’t want to say, “So… what’s your favourite book?” Instead, you can make a more subtle connection. “I’m currently reading a book and it’s set in a restaurant that, in my mind, looks just like the place we’re at now! I absolutely love reading, how about you?”
Stay away from these topics on a first date
Of course, you need to feel out what your date is like and what you can or cannot talk about, but it’s best to be careful with the topics below.
- Ex-partners
Ex-relationships are not necessarily bad topics. For example, you can talk about how many relationships you’ve had. But if you tell negative stories about your ex, the topic can quickly take a turn for the worse. Same goes if you tell too many positive stories! Either way, it can come across as if you’re not over your ex yet. You’re on a date to get to know the other person, so live in the present and leave the past behind! - Political affiliation
Another topic that can be a lot of fun, but if the two of you have different political affiliations, it’s better to save this topic for a third or fourth date. After all,
you don’t want to create conflict or start a heated discussion on a first date. - The weather. Please.
“So… strange weather, huh?” If you start talking about the weather, you come across as incredibly unoriginal. If you do it sarcastically or jokingly, talking about it is okay. - Sex
If you don’t yet know how openly or freely your date talks about sex, leave this topic out for a while. After all, you could make your date quite uncomfortable if you suddenly start talking about your sexual preferences and bed partners. - Personal issues
It’s nice when you get the feeling that your date is very understanding and you can share everything with them, but don’t throw your personal issues on the table just yet. A huge debt, an alcohol addiction, custody issues… These can give your date quite a scare. Of course, your personal problems are important and there will come a time when you need to share them. But perhaps that’s more appropriate for the moment when you decide the relationship is heading in the serious direction. You might never see this date again, would you want this person to know such personal stories about you?
Also read: Red Flag Alert! 19 signs your date isn’t right for you
Still following? Say this, really don’t say this, you can say that, but only if you do it like this…. We get it, dating can be a bit overwhelming. As long as you remember to be yourself and don’t overstep your boundaries, you’ll be absolutely fine!
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