Everyone likes different things and everyone has different qualities, so it’s not easy to say what makes a good lover. But all good lovers have one thing in common: a good bed partner always puts the other person’s needs and pleasure first. In this article, we share some tips to make sure you become the best lover ever, for your partner(s) and for yourself!
When am I a good bed partner?
One likes it hard and rough, the other tender and loving. Dirty talk gives one person the creeps, while someone else gets really hot. When you look at it this way, sex is very complicated and difficult, because how do you know what the other person likes?
You may have had sex with 20 people and 19 of them think you’re an amazing sex god, but you just can’t seem to please partner number 20. That’s not your fault! This is a great example of how everybody is different. What works for one can be a huge turn-off for another. Fortunately, there are some things that always work, so we’ll share them with you.
“A few tips always work, so we’ll share them with you!”
Tip 1: Ask what your bed partner likes
Communication is and remains key! The only way to really know what your bed partner likes is to ask them. OK, literally asking “what do you like?” might be a bit scary for some, or you might be afraid you’re ruining the mood. So try doing it in a sexy way.
Some sexy ways to ask what the other person likes
- How would you like me to take you?
- Do you want me to take you hard?
- Do you like it when I take you slowly and softly?
- Do you like it when I do this?
Non-verbal communication also says a lot. Pay attention to the body language of the person lying in bed with you. Loud moaning is almost always a good sign. So is heavier breathing and swearing! Oh, fuck, yes!
Are you ready for some feedback? Then ask for it before or during sex. “Would you like to tell me what you really like?” or “Can you show me how you like to be fingered/jerked off?” These are very normal questions. It’s likely that the conversation will start off serious, but will quickly turn into a steamy sex session!
Be your own #1 lover
Just as it’s important to know what your partner likes, it’s also important to know what you like! Not only to let (future) partners know what makes you hot, but also to fully satisfy yourself. So, how do you find out what makes your heartbeat and your blood flow faster? Exactly, by trying!
Tip 2: Foreplay before bed
You want your partner to feel wanted, desired and attractive. So what can you do to make sure that happens? Well, it’s simple. Pay a sincere compliment every day, be generous with your hugs, gently squeeze your partner’s bum as she/he walks by, and speak up when you feel like having sex. “Oh sweetheart, the way you’re standing here in front of me, it’s hard to believe that you’re my girlfriend. I can’t wait to spoil you later.” or: “Oh, you’re so incredibly sexy when you (…) I can’t wait to drive you crazy in bed later!”
Be your own #1 lover
Playing with yourself? Oh, hell yes. You can subtly warm yourself up all day long until you can finally take some time for yourself in the evening and masturbate. How? By sexting with someone, for example. Do you have someone who always knows the right thing to say? Hit them up! You can also do this on your own – think of sexy moments every now and then. Your favourite scene from a porn film, your celebrity crush, that sexy colleague… and let your fantasy run wild! Or read or listen to an erotic story in the early afternoon. Bet you’ll be hot all day!
Tip 3: Don’t be selfish!
A good bed partner puts the pleasure of the other person first. Someone who thinks only of themselves may have a perfect body, rhythm, and technique… but without the need to please, they will never be a perfect bed partner.
So, do you want your partner to really enjoy themselves? Then make sure that’s your main focus. And that doesn’t mean that you cannot enjoy yourself. On the contrary! If you see how what you’re doing makes your partner squirm with pleasure, you’ll get really turned on too.
“Without the need to please, you’ll never be a perfect bed partner”.
But remember this! For your partner to enjoy themselves to the fullest, you have to enjoy yourself too. Hmm, now it’s getting complicated, right? Well, in the ideal sex session, you let your partner enjoy and you enjoy yourself. Both of you have to be totally absorbed in the moment and both of you have to be satisfied.
You can give oral pleasure to your partner for 45 minutes, but if you’re not turned on and your head isn’t in the right place, then your partner really won’t enjoy it. People can tell if the other person is sincere. And that includes if you fake being turned on. So, long and complicated story short: make sure you let your partner enjoy things, but don’t forget to enjoy yourself as well☺️.
Tip 4: Focus on more than just the penis or vagina
Perhaps a very logical tip, but sometimes we forget. If you and your partner are having sex doggy style, where are your hands? If you’re the penetrating partner, both hands are free! So you can use them to hold or massage your partner’s buttocks. Or use your thumb to stimulate your partner’s anus or bend over so you can play with your partner’s breasts.
“If you have your hands free, use them on your partner or yourself to explore and indulge!”
Need more inspiration? Go ahead: you can also very gently tickle/scratch your partner’s back with your fingernail or grab their hair firmly (if that’s the kind of thing they like). The partner who is penetrated can also do something with their hands! Being penetrated by a man means that you can reach for his balls and perineum. You may have to sit up a bit to get to them, but it’s definitely worth it.
Gently grasp his scrotum and squeeze or pull it a little. Or put your fingers on his perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus) and play with different pressure levels. Want to bet that he loves it? You can also use your hands to play with yourself. This view will definitely bring his climax that much closer!
And this applies to many positions, doesn’t it? If you have a free hand, use it to explore and indulge your partner’s whole body.
Be your own #1 lover
You know where your clitoris or glans is. You know how to work yourself to an orgasm as quickly as possible. But do you know which other spots can also bring you to a climax? Is your answer no? Then you need to go on a journey of discovery! Find other erogenous zones such as your anus, nipples, neck, or feet.
Tip 5: Build up the tension
Building tension: a well-known phenomenon in films. The tension builds up agonisingly slowly until you can hardly stand it, and then: the climax! And this is actually how it should be during sex. Don’t go straight for your goal; build up the tension. However much you want to feel your partner inside you or around you, the longer you wait, the greater the desire and the more intense the orgasm.
Be your own #1 lover
You can also build up the tension during masturbation. Don’t go for a fast climax, but take your time. And, if you feel you’re about to come, then stop or continue with less intensity so that the feeling subsides. This is also called edging, or the start-stop technique.
Which tip made you the best sex partner ever?