What are men insecure about in bed?

Whether it’s a casual fling or a long-term partner, a beginner or an expert, everyone can feel insecure when it comes to sex. For men, the pressure to perform can be heightened by misleading images in porn or their friends’ boasting. In this article, we look at some of the insecurities you may encounter as a man, so you can better deal with them.

The first time

The first time you share a bed with someone can be intimidating. You may start to worry; what if it doesn’t feel good? What if you don’t know what to do? Perhaps you find it difficult to get naked in your partner’s presence, or you worry that your naked body won’t be considered beautiful.

It’s only natural that sex can feel a bit daunting. Realise that everyone carries these worries with them, but that no one thinks about it they dive into bed with someone.

The fact that you have yet to discover what feels good for you is part of the fun! So, don’t try to force it, avoid negative thoughts, and let loose. Let each other know what feels good and what doesn’t. Create a relaxed atmosphere, dim the lights if necessary, and take it easy. You’re both being vulnerable, and you’re in this together 😉 

Also read: 20 tips for your first time having sex

Performance issues

If you regularly come before you or your partner wants to, this can be a source of frustration in a relationship. Fortunately, there are several ways of tackling this problem…

For example, you can train yourself to delay ejaculation by using the stop-start technique during masturbation. You can also focus on your pelvic floor muscles, which play a major role in orgasm, or by doing Kegel exercises. Finally, orgasm delaying condoms are also an option.

But the opposite is also common. No matter how much you want to, your penis may not cooperate. This can be due to a lack of foreplay, but also to completely different factors such as stress, fatigue, medication, or an excess of alcohol.

When this happens to you, it can be quite a bummer. But like everyone else, you have to discover under what circumstances you do and don’t get aroused, and you have limited control over what your body does.

Different preferences

Are you always the one who takes the initiative? Or is your partner’s libido much stronger than yours? Maybe you prefer to keep quiet, while your partner likes to moan loudly. Or does your partner like to cover you from head to toe with hickeys, while you don’t really want that at all?

“Everyone is different. It’s important that you accept each other as you come.”

As for turn-ons and turn-offs, kinks and quirks, everyone is different. It’s important that you accept each other as you come 😉 Be careful with making assumptions; you can’t always tell what preferences someone has. And, if you don’t know what makes your partner hot, you can’t anticipate that.

So, ask questions and try to help each other, not only about the things that excite you, but also about the things you’re not comfortable with. Meet each other halfway and if necessary, make some agreements with each other beforehand too.

The biggest misconception

Penis size is an important issue for many men. They often see it as a reflection of their masculinity, and some even think it’s the decisive factor for satisfying sex. These kinds of ideas can make you feel insecure and ashamed, but there’s nothing to be embarrassed about!

Most men have a distorted view of how big the average penis is and what it really takes to reach a climax. In fact, the length of your penis is far from the most important factor – not only in terms of who you are or how masculine you are, but also in terms of how well you can satisfy each other.

“Most men have a distorted view of how big the average penis is and what it really takes to reach a climax.”

What’s of much greater importance is that you’re able to listen and respond to your partner. For example, if you can sense how much foreplay is needed, that’s very helpful. And, even if you have a very small penis, there’s a wide spectrum of possibilities to provide pleasure to each other. It’s all about what you do with what you have. 😉

Last but not least…

If neither of you wants to have children, always use a condom. Not only does it significantly reduce the chance of pregnancy, but it’s also the only way to protect yourself against STIs. Condoms can tear or slip, so it’s essential that you use the right size. Safety first!

Also read: Everything you need to know about condoms

If you still feel insecure about yourself, it’s advisable to talk to an expert. You could contact your GP, a sexologist, or a psychologist. Taking the first step is half the battle.

Are you (secretly) insecure about something? We’d love to hear how you deal with it!