How to ask for consent in a sexy way

Asking for consent during sex is essential. Although people often think the opposite, this kind of question doesn’t always have to be a mood killer. In this article, we explain how you can ask for consent in a sexy way.

Asking for consent is sexy!

To quickly dispel the previously mentioned idea: asking for consent is not a mood killer, it’s sexy! From a personal point of view, I’ve learned that not asking for consent can actually spoil the mood. I’ve had sex with different people in different situations. And my best memories are of those who made me feel safe and respected because they asked for consent. Asking for consent was definitely not a mood killer, it felt more like part of the foreplay. So, keep that in mind.

“Consent is not a mood killer, it’s sexy!”

Examples

#1 Ask for consent

Of course, you don’t have to immediately ask “Do I have your permission?” or “Do you want this too?”. These questions do cover the issue and aren’t wrong, but you can also ask for consent in hotter ways. Here are some examples:

“Can I kiss you?”
“Is it okay if I take off your shirt?”
“Shall we move to the bedroom?”

#2 Say what you want

Sometimes, the moment isn’t quite right to ask a question, or perhaps you’re a bit nervous about it. Try to put into words what you’d like to do with the other person and see how they react.

Instead of asking if you can take off their shirt, you can say:

“You’re so sexy. I would love to see more.”
“You make me so hot. Shall I take off my shirt?”
“I think it’d be a good idea to show you the bedroom… 😉“

Are you challenging each other? Would you like to go all the way? Then say: “I’d like to have sex with you now…”. You can’t be any clearer and it’s very sexy to hear. If they want to, the green light will definitely be given. If they don’t, your remark will probably be ignored, or you’ll hear that the other person isn’t ready yet.

Also read: The best tips for the first time with someone new

#3 Ask what the other person wants

Of course, you can also turn the tables and ask what the other person wants. Let’s imagine a scenario in which a man wants to have sex with a woman and asks her for consent. There’s a worldwide myth that every woman wants to take on a submissive role. There’s the idea that she absolutely doesn’t want to be in charge, and she wants every decision to be taken for her.

Well… it’s utter nonsense. Plenty of women like to be in charge and even more like to feel that no one is in charge and that you make decisions together. These women will find it extremely sexy when you ask, “What would you like me to do with you?” or “Why don’t you tell me what you want me to do with you?” The women who are more comfortable in a submissive role will not get upset by this approach. They know exactly how to push you back into the role of the dominant one.

Consent is a conversation

Now when you read this heading you might think… what? Consent is a conversation? Yes. Asking for consent is a conversation. The reason why many people find asking for consent scary is because they’re afraid it’ll become uncomfortable because the person who’s being asked might say no. But it really doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. When you see consent as a question that can only be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, it can become a bit uncomfortable. Especially when you don’t know what to do or say next.

Remember: “Asking for permission is absolutely not a mood killer, it feels more like part of the foreplay…”

When you frame it as a conversation, it becomes a lot easier. If you ask whether the other person wants to go a step further and the answer is ‘no’, you can make it more comfortable for both of you by saying something reassuring like: “That’s totally fine too, I enjoy just being with you.” In this way, you’re framing it positively and you shift the tone of the question. Instead of feeling rejected – or giving the other person the feeling that they’ve rejected you – you can always reduce things to a mutual agreement to keep doing what you were doing, or to wait before moving on.

Do you always ask for consent? Or what do you think about asking for consent? Let us know in a comment!