Fingering your partner? Our 10 best tips!

The female orgasm is complex and sometimes difficult to achieve. But with some good finger work, you can give your girlfriend, wife, or fling an unforgettable climax. It just takes patience, attention, and creativity. Learn how to finger well with these top tips below.

1. Make sure to prepare

• Cut your nails. Sharp nails can feel painful. The skin of the vagina is soft and vulnerable, so sharp nails can easily cause cuts. So cut and file your nails beforehand. Also, for hygiene reasons, it is advisable to remove any dirt under your nails and wash your hands.

• Use lubricant. It usually doesn’t feel good when massaging and rubbing is met with a lot of friction while fingering. You can make your fingers move a lot smoother by using lubricant (water-based). This makes fingering a lot easier for you, and more comfortable for her.

“Make sure your fingers are clean and use some lubricant to help your fingers move more smoothly.”

2. Know her vagina

Some men (and women) have no idea what a woman’s vagina looks like. Many don’t know where to find the clitoris, while this is exactly the spot you want to play with. You don’t have to be ashamed of this, there are even women who don’t know exactly how it all works.

The clitoris

The clitoris is a small knob or bump at the top of her vagina. Usually, the clitoris is about 5 mm in size, but this can vary. The clitoris often has a kind of hat – also called the clitoral hood – which protects it, so to speak.

The G-spot

The G-spot is a much-discussed spot in the vagina. For some women, it feels amazing to stimulate it, while others don’t notice much. You can always try it out, of course. It’s located about 3 to 5 cm deep inside the vagina on the side of her belly. The spot should feel a bit thickened and ridged.

Also read: The 15 most common erogenous zones

3. Remember foreplay

It’s usually not a good idea to start massaging her clitoris right away. Give your partner time to get aroused. This is perfectly possible through foreplay. Start at the top and end at her vagina, making sure to touch everything. For example, kiss her neck, stroke her thighs, and lick her nipples. Especially when you get close to her vagina but don’t do anything with it yet, chances are she’ll be extremely turned on!

“Start at the top and end at her vagina, making sure to touch everything.”

4. Try these clitoral finger techniques

• Caressing: caress her outer labia and continue your way to “the core”. Touch her from top to bottom around her clitoris. You can also stroke the clitoral hood. Once she’s really aroused, you can gently stroke her clit. Do not apply (much) pressure when doing this.
• Circling: with your fingertips, make circles around her clitoris. Make sure you barely touch her clitoris while doing so. If she asks for more, you can place your finger on her clit and continue the circular motion.
• Tapping: women who need a little more stimulation may appreciate these techniques. Start slowly and give light taps on her clitoris. Be sure not to apply too much pressure when doing this, but only lightly touch her in that spot. Increase the pace as she becomes more aroused.

5. Start off slowly

It’s okay to pick up the pace, but wait a bit and do it gradually. Start very slowly so she can focus on what you’re doing. Especially when she asks for more, that’s the sign for you to move on.

“Especially when she asks for more, that’s the sign for you to go on.”

6. Try this vaginal finger technique

G-spot stimulation: you can choose to simultaneously massage the G-spot and the clitoris. Use your index and middle finger for this technique. Slowly insert these fingers into her vagina with your nails pointing towards her back. Now curl your fingers in a “come here” gesture. This is how you’ll stimulate her G-spot. It’s okay to apply a little pressure (not too much) to stimulate this spot properly.

7. Be gentle

Many men think that a woman needs to be handled roughly to get aroused. They penetrate the vagina with their finger as if it were a penis or they press her clitoris quickly and hard. This is not recommended unless she indicates that she likes it. The clitoris is very sensitive and contains twice as many nerve endings as the entire head of the penis. Loving and gentle touches are much nicer.

“You don’t have to be rough on a woman to get her turned on.”

8. Include all areas

Don’t just focus on her clitoris, but occasionally stroke her labia (inner and outer) as well. It’s also nice to massage the breasts, nipples, buttocks or inside of her thighs while fingering her. Some women even like it when you stroke their anus. By the way, don’t just start doing this out of the blue, instead ask her or move your finger there slowly and watch her reaction. Moaning means she likes it. If she squeezes her buttocks or pulls her lower body away from you, that means she doesn’t.

9. Communicate with her

• Ask her how it feels. It’s not at all weird to ask her once in a while if she likes what you’re doing, but keep it within limits. Asking once or twice if you’re doing well certainly won’t hurt. You can also let her do it for you to see what she likes.
• Pay attention to her body language. Communicating is not just a verbal thing. Notice her posture and reaction. Does she spread her legs more, moan louder, or move her body towards you? If so, you’re on the right track. If she barely makes a sound, pulls her lower body away, or closes her legs, your finger work may require a different approach.

10. Stick to a single rhythm

Most women climax when a single rhythm is kept throughout. If her breathing speeds up and she moans louder, she may be reaching her orgasm. If you stop or change technique or rhythm, chances are her climax will subside. So, above all, keep going in the same way and at the same pace. Unless she asks you to go harder or faster of course.

Also read: The 7 best cunnilingus techniques