The 5 biggest myths about ‘true love’

Love is great, good, wonderful, fantastic… and so on. We’re all for love. But there are also quite a few popular myths going around about love and relationships, and some of them should have been debunked hundreds of years ago. Now’s the time! Let’s debunk some of those myths so that our idea of ‘true love’ (hopefully) becomes a little less distorted and twisted.

#1 True love is tumultuous and full of passion

Being ‘drunk on love’. We can thank the hopeless romantics for this. According to them, love should be overwhelming, wild, intense, and intoxicating. Hollywood capitalises on this with all those romantic films. As a result, many of us have grown up with the idea of what love ‘should be’ – and when it isn’t, we become suspicious, disinterested, or bored. Love can certainly be passionate and tumultuous, but even these emotions don’t stay consistent.

“Many of us have grown up with the idea of what love ‘should be’ – and when it isn’t, we become suspicious, disinterested, or bored.”

The truth is that these kinds of profound and passionate feelings in loving relationships soften over time, and that’s nothing to worry about. It’s perfectly normal. There’s also fulfilment in a love that feels safe, comfortable, and committed – with the occasional small dose of spice for balance.

#2 With true love, your partner knows you inside and out

Many people still believe this, so we’re sorry to burst your bubble. Don’t kill the messenger, but breaking news: When you fall in love with someone, you don’t automatically develop mind-reading abilities. Most people don’t have the ability to know exactly what someone else is thinking and wanting, no matter how many times we’ve whispered loving words to them or sucked on their earlobes. The myth that lovers should know the wants and needs of their partners without clear communication does a disservice to love and relationships. Hate to break it to you, but the greatest chance of getting what you want and making yourself feel heard is by communicating clearly with your partner about how you feel and what you need.

“Most people don’t have the ability to know exactly what someone else is thinking and wanting, no matter how many times we’ve whispered loving words to them or sucked on their earlobes.”

#3 You give up everything for the real one

This goes out to everyone who has grown up with the idea that self-sacrifice is the ultimate act of love. In love, it’s logical to want to make your partner happy, but this should never be at the expense of your own happiness. You can only love someone when you love yourself and respect your own limits. People who do cling to this love myth run a greater risk of ending up in a manipulative relationship, so forget about this stupid myth.

“In love, it’s natural to want to make your partner happy, but this should never be at the expense of your own happiness.”

Also read: 8 tips to develop more self-love

#4 When love is real, you always have good sex

If this were true, the Satisfyer would be the one true love of many women. But this is a myth! If the sex is good, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is good, and if the sex isn’t good, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. Problems in the bedroom can reflect issues in a relationship related to intimacy and desire for each other, but good sex has basically nothing to do with true love. It does have to do with communicating clearly what you do and don’t want during sex.

“If this were true, the Satisfyer would be the one true love of many women.”

#5 True love is forever

… and if it isn’t forever, was it not real love? This love myth has been encouraged by those lame marriage vows where we equate ‘real love’ with a timeless and immortal experience: “until death do us part.” Wow… talk about pressure. This myth can be very problematic for a number of reasons. Firstly, if you claim that love is something that lasts forever, you’re almost giving someone the free pass to not maintain and sustain a relationship. Why bother at all if you know it’s forever and always anyway?

“Sometimes, love can be tremendously intense yet fleeting. This doesn’t mean that this experience of love isn’t real.”

Secondly, it can leave out experiences of past loves that were not only meaningful but also important. Sometimes a love can be extremely intense yet fleeting. This doesn’t mean that this experience of love isn’t real. It’s important to be open to all kinds of love, not just the kind that lasts. You simply cannot predict that.

Which of these did you not expect to be a myth?